. . . From Now On

By John Gutekunst

This is the Silver (+ One) Anniversary Issue of A Mere Paws, and it's a perfect time to reflect on the past glories, the exciting present and the brilliant future of this wonderful newsletter.

The occasion of this anniversary causes me to recall a great old rhythm & blues tune sung by Lee Dorsey called Everything I Do Gonna Be Funky From Now On.

Unfortunately, this implies that everything done up to this point in time has not been funky. Of course those of us here at A Mere Paws feel that everything we've done up to now has been funky (or at least something similar to funky), and we pledge to continue to have everything we do from now on to be as funky as possible.

There is an important reason for this funky pledge. In this age of too-much-information, more and more people are beginning to rely on A Mere Paws as their primary source of news. We therefore feel a special responsibility to make sure we maintain the highest standards of journalistic integrity, and other stuff like that.

So it is important that you, the reader, know that everyone* at A Mere Paws; the editors and writers, the people in the production department, sales and distribution; in short the entire team that works long minutes every three to four months or so to bring you this fine publication, will continue to do so until no longer convenient. How's that for funky?

* Everyone except the guy in accounting whose sole job was to monitor the number of issues of A Mere Paws published so we didn't miss our Silver Anniversary. Unfortunately for him, his contention that he was only off by 4% did not save 100% of his job.

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by John Gutekunst

I recently had a slight moisture-related problem in my home. This moisture-related problem consisted of about two inches of water in the living room. After a couple of weeks I figured I better call Richard McMahon, Master Plumber at McMahon Plumbing, Heating & Air Conditioning.
I explained to him that I had a leaky pipe somewhere in the living room. I then went outside to vacuum the lawn while he went to work on it.

A few minutes later he came outside and said, "You don't have any leaking water pipes in the living room, in fact you don't have any pipes at all in the living room. The problem is that your furnace and your air conditioner are both running full tilt, and the two air masses are creating an atmospheric instability in the living room. The water on the floor is from the pop-up thunderstorms that are forming along the frontal boundary. Haven't you noticed the thunder?"

"I thought that was from Dancing with the Stars on the TV," I replied, "have you ever heard the noises Steve Wozniak makes when when he's doing the Lindy Hop? Now, who can I get to fix all these problems?"

"I can repair them for you," Mr. McMahon said, "we provide sales & service for residential, commercial and industrial customers. We do work in new construction as well as renovations. We repair all makes of heating and air conditioning systems, as well as plumbing, sewer and water services. McMahon Plumbing, Heating & Air Conditioning has earned the designation CCES: Commercial Comfort Energy Specialist. For more information visit www.rmcmahon.com.

I thanked the master plumber for his timely and professional help. "I don't know what I would have done with out you," I said, "you certainly plumbed the depths of my problem."

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IAQs

Cruising around the internets, you'll see a lot of websites offer visitors who have questions the option of FAQs or Frequently Asked Questions. This tends to save the people whose duty it is to answer the phones the aggravation of answering the same questions over and over. In addition, if you are someone looking for some basic information you can find it easily and quickly.

What could be better? I'll tell you — IAQs or Infrequently Answered Questions. Here are a few:

Q Why is the sky blue?

A. The sky is a reflection of your mood. If you were a happier person the sky would be pink. Maybe if you had GK Productions redesign your website you would be happier.

Q. How many angels can dance on the head of a pin?

A. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz . . . Oh, sorry! Your logo is so uninteresting I fell asleep halfway through your question. Sounds like you need GK Productions to design a new one for you. By the way, the answer is 23 angels.

Q. Is there life after death?

A. There isn't even life before death if your marketing materials are out of date. I could possibly fix you up with a certain someone who could remedy that problem for you.

Q. Aren't these IAQs just a self-serving attempt to increase your business?

A. No.

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History on the Halfshell

by John Gutekunst

If you're like most people, you enjoy well-prepared, fresh seafood. And if you're like almost nobody, you have a favorite 19th century robber baron. These two passions can be combined in a classic dish, with some historically fun variations!

Oysters Rockefeller
Place open oysters on a bed of salt, top with cooked spinach and hollandaise sauce. Bake at 450° until hot. Enjoy these while thinking about John D. Rockefeller.

Mussels Mellon
Place open mussels on a bed of salt, top with uncooked muskmelons and cantaloupe sauce. Bake at 450° until hot. Enjoy these while thinking about Andrew Mellon.

Cockles Carnegie
Place open cockles on a bed of salt, alive, alive-O! Bake at 450° until hot-O! Enjoy while thinking about Andrew Carneg-O!

Next Week: We go in a generally different direction: Our menu will feature Beef Wellington, Napoleon Brandy and Francisco Franco-American Spaghetti-Os!

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